Wasted days, and sleepless nights, and I can't wait to see you again..

What a late post. I'd planned on making it sometime yesterday, but I got far too swept up in the drama that is being the friend of Ben. Or the psuedo-friend who is never there and is only hurting herself, I suppose. At least he got one part right.

Things were somewhat resolved between Chris and I. In such a sense, much like my arguments with Mitch, this means I linked him to a journal post and it was more or less left in the dust. What was said is still there, still floating around... Whatever. Senseless fighting is exactly that. Senseless. And I'm fairly tired of it.

Speaking of senseless fighting, let's drone on about some of it.

Ben, last night, was a total dickhead on Valikorlia. To me, to some of the players, to Don, you name it. After he got himself jailed, I messaged him on AIM and struck up what ended up being a very...for lack of a better word, pathetic, conversation. It went fine and dandy until he started being a douchebag once more, and I asked him what his problem was. What I got hit with after much prodding was a large speech about how I am a fake friend. Someone who is never there for him, someone with nothing to say, someone who is living vicariously through WoW and Val and won't tell him what my deal is. The whole thing was just...pleasant. Wonderfully pleasant. In the end result, I ended up blowing up on him, and spilling a lot more than I really feel like telling more than a select few people. It was to make a point, but.. Bah. What a way to go out. As horrible, horrible as it may be, right now I don't give a fuck what Ben does. Ever. I want him to steer clear of me.

I've had a lot said to me over the past few days. Ben, Don, Angelo.. A few others. I have so many things on my plate now. So many questions to still answer, so many things to think about. I hate it, because I never wanted some of this to get to the point it's at now. Too late. I guess picking up some self-restraint should have been a resolution of mine. This sucks.

My head feels like it's going to explode. It's felt like this for days.